i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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