onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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