Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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