I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
