listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
