i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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