yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
