Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
