And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
