Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's shark week go big or go home
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
