allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
