so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys