I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
