What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
