i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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