ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
