Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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