Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
