At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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