Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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