dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
