you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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