i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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