i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
