worst night to have a conscience
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
