how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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