i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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