I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
