Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
