Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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