the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
