can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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