woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
