Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
