none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
