Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
