So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
