he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
