Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
