yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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