I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
