i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
