Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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