Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Randomize
