Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
