pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
