a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
