Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I need a burrito and a hug.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
