spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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