around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
