I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
