I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
