I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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