He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
