Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Randomize
