peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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