He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
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she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
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The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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