one might say we're banned from that church
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
