dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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