new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
