So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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