I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
