I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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