I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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