Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
